So, I was trolling Pinterest the other day looking for a way to create pumpkins from mason lid jars (yep, it’s a real thing look it up) when a pin popped up, “Seven Surprising Reasons Your Dog Should Sleep on Your Bed Every Night.” Now, I love my dog, Murphy. He’s awesome; but let’s look at these seven reasons realistically:
#1 – It’s Good for Your Dog
So, they say it’s good for Murphy because he likes a good cuddle. Honestly, I don’t think a cuddle is what Murphy’s wants. Murphy hits our bed every night because he’s deathly afraid he’s going to miss a meal, specifically, breakfast. That’s why he also pretends to like me around 4:30 p.m. everyday.
#2– They Make You Feel Safe
At first glance, this seems like a fairly valid point. However, if someone is smart enough to get in your house, they’ve probably staked it out in advance. They know you have a fat, Labrador retriever who really will do anything for a Beggin’ Strip. Murphy would strap televisions on his back and cart them out of the house with the burglars if he thought he’d get more treats. Real safe.
#3 – They Help Fight Depression
I agree that during the day, dogs help fight depression. But my 90-lb lab makes me depressed if he sleeps with me because… I don’t get any sleep. His big Kardashian butt takes up 90 percent of our king-sized bed. Therefore, no sleep, which leads to big depression the next day.
#4 – They Provide Warmth
That they do, however, if like me you are going through pre-menopause, menopause, post-menopause, whatever, that’s not a positive. Murphy gets his shed-happy, fur coat and high body temperature plastered against me making me feel like I’m a chicken wing in hot sauce.
#5 – Snuggling with Them Relieves Stress & Anxiety
So, I like to snuggle with my dog. Even the word snuggle sound so anti-stress. But can’t we do that during the day? I think my stress level is lowered enough during the 16 hours I’m awake with Murphy. So why does he need that eight hours from me too? Is it for his stress level? I find that very difficult to believe because I’m pretty sure if you take Murphy’s blood pressure, night or day, he would be declared officially comatose.
#6 – They Fight Insomnia
I think we covered this in #2 but one other thing, now, not only does my husband snore in my face, so does the dog. As I stare at the ceiling calculating how many minutes I have until I have to get up because I can’t get up (and write a list or whatever it is they say to do) because then Murphy will think it’s morning and want breakfast (see #1).
#7 – They Give You Comfort
Yes, they do. It’s hard to argue with this one. Until they fart or steal all the blankets or decide that your stomach makes an incredibly soft pillow to lie on, not so comforting at 2 o’clock in the morning. Although, now that I think about it, this sounds less like the dog’s issue and a little bit more like my husband’s.